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Old 10-23-2006, 03:49 PM
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Default 20 Ways to Know You’ve Booked a Bad Fly Fishing Guide

20 Ways to Know You’ve Booked a Bad Fly Fishing Guide

Hey folks... the following is a list, by fly fishing guide Rob Woodruff, of things that you don't want to see from your fly fishing guide... can you think of more???

1. He doesn’t wade in the river with you; he just stands on the bank and screams and gestures a lot.

2. You see him taking a long swig from a bottle of whiskey as you arrive at 6:30 in the morning.

3. He calls all his clients, regardless of age, "son".

4. He brings his dog and spends more time working with it than you.

5. He obviously hasn’t bathed or shaved for several days before the trip.

6. He advertises a "gourmet shore lunch"; then serves you Vienna Sausages, hard-boiled eggs and crackers.

7. After collecting your money on a fishless day, he remarks "I was afraid that would happen, we haven’t caught anything in a
couple of weeks."

8. He advertises himself as a fly fishing guide, and then once on the river, pulls out the live bait and spinning rods and says that is
the only way to catch fish right now.

9. He screams and cusses at you before you even get in the boat.

10. He spends the day trying to convert you to the new religion he has founded, and insists you call him "The Prophet".

11. He advertises "fishing on pristine, un-crowded private water" and then on the way to the stream casually mentions that he doesn’t actually have the landowner’s permission to fish there.

12. He fishes all day, catches the most fish and brags about it.

13. He quits at 10:00 AM because you and your buddy "aren’t good enough fly fishermen to be on this river."

14. Without further explanation, he tells you that he is surprised you showed up because; "everybody else has been scared to,
since the incident."

15. He spends most of the day complaining about the measly tip the clients gave him yesterday, and telling the terrible things he
plans to do to get even with them for it.

16. He asks you what you do for a living, then tells you how little he thinks of people in your profession.

17. He spends most of the day flirting with your wife or girlfriend.

18. He surprises you by introducing you to the five strangers who are going to be fishing with you today.

19. He makes fun of your casting, and does nothing to help you get better.

20. Before the trip starts, he asks you to help him cut the electronic monitoring device off his ankle.


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Old 10-23-2006, 08:18 PM
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Default Re: 20 Ways to Know You’ve Booked a Bad Fly Fishing Guide

21. Guide (from SLC) shows up at Green River, UT (Dutch John) with driftboat and left oars at home.

22. Guide for walk & wade trip on Big Wood River, ID just disappears for an hour or so and returns reeking of pot. No tip that day and we had fun messing with his head the rest of the afternoon.

Both true stories
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Old 10-23-2006, 08:40 PM
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Default Re: 20 Ways to Know You’ve Booked a Bad Fly Fishing Guide

23. Guide gets all excited when I tell him I want to take a break to smoke my pipe, then looks crestfallen and slumps away when he sees me loading up my old Peterson with Captain Black.
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Old 10-23-2006, 10:52 PM
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Default Re: 20 Ways to Know You’ve Booked a Bad Fly Fishing Guide

24. When you first show up he tells you that he lost all his money in the Dot.Com bust and decided to become a guide and run a lodge on borrowed money from his Father-in-law with the unmistakable attitude of an old-time Orvis type Flyfisherman.

25. Is always looking down river and trying to describe what is happening in the boat of another guide... I think he has a fish... No....Yes...definitely a King....no just a snag......

26. Tells you that they use to fish another area where all the fish were but now with the new owner of the lodge can not take you there because it cause undue wear on the skiffs.
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Old 10-23-2006, 11:31 PM
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Default Re: 20 Ways to Know You’ve Booked a Bad Fly Fishing Guide

true story,,, my brother floated the colorado river.. they found a dead woman floating in the water.. the guide said they lost her the week before.. they buried her in the sand on a small beach for the athorities to pu later.. my brother said she was blue and very well presurved from the cold water.. (i dont think this was in the broshure)...dave.
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Old 10-24-2006, 04:27 PM
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Default Re: 20 Ways to Know You’ve Booked a Bad Fly Fishing Guide

27. He says, "What's a mend?"

28. He says, "What's a caddis?"

29. He thinks a stripping basket is for depositing one dollar bills.
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Old 10-24-2006, 06:29 PM
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Default Re: 20 Ways to Know You’ve Booked a Bad Fly Fishing Guide

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigCliff
29. He thinks a stripping basket is for depositing one dollar bills.
Are you saying it's not?!
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Old 12-02-2006, 03:43 PM
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Default Re: 20 Ways to Know You’ve Booked a Bad Fly Fishing Guide

Not a fly fishing guide story, but rather a ski instructor story.

I signed my 6 year old daughter up for a day of private ski instruction at a Colorado resort.

We left her at the ski school, and then realized that she had left her neck gaiter with us.

I went back to the ski school to find her, and asked if my daughter was around so I could give her the neck gaiter.

The ski school receptionist looked up my daughter's name on the list, found out who her instructor was, then yelled to one of the people in the back, "Is Crackhead still here, or did he already go out on the slopes with that little girl?" The answer came back. "Don't know if Crackhead's left yet or not. Why? Are the cops here looking for him again?"
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Old 12-04-2006, 12:43 PM
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Default Re: 20 Ways to Know You’ve Booked a Bad Fly Fishing Guide

Guess "Pothead" and "Stoner" were already taken.
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Old 12-07-2006, 09:21 AM
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Default Re: 20 Ways to Know You’ve Booked a Bad Fly Fishing Guide

I don't think I would let my daughter ski with that instructor. I would not ski with that crackhead.
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