Gosh it disturbs me to see you, JP
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you, JP
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're everyone's favorite guy
Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as JP
No one's quick as JP
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as JP's
For there's no man in town half as manly perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
No one's been like JP
A king pin like JP
My what a guy, that JP!
Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!"
JP is the best and the rest is all drips
No one fights like JP
Douses lights like JP
In a wrestling match nobody bites like JP!
For there's no one as burly and brawny
Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
No one hits like JP
Matches wits like JP
In a spitting match nobody spits like JP
Ten points for JP
No one shoots like JP
Makes those beauts like JP!
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like JP!
My what a guy, that JP!
