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Old 08-16-2013, 09:15 PM
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jslo jslo is offline
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Default A fly fishing sketch/short story

I wrote this on another forum and I thought it was funny. Maybe fun to read (or not! up to you). The context was a debate about how stupid/not stupid you are for buying $50+ Abel's the sketch:

So I confess, I've got the Abel nippers. I did not spend $50 on them, I don't think... but the point is the same. I spent way more on them than regular nippers that much is for certain. But let me tell you the story...

3 months ago I was in the worst dry spell of my so far glorious fly throwing career. I couldn't catch a fish if you sent me to SeaWorld with a stunboat. I was so distraught, I found myself in a local watering hole pondering the future of all things rods, reels, and fooling fish with feathers. All the while passing time as I imbibed a delicious and hoppy locally brewed IPA. As I wallowed, the hipster bearded gentleman next to me at the bar was droning on about the origin of "IPA". In and out of my fishless delirium I heard "...British East India...hops contain special...wouldn't spoil..." or some such blather. I stared at him but tuned another mental frequency as I wasn't so interested in the origin of IPA's as much as I wanted to simply enjoy my cerveza and figure out what moon I had possibly been born under to leave me in such a fishless state.

Coming to the conclusion that a wander to my local fly shop across the street, St. Peter's Fly Shop to be exact, might be in order and seemed somehow spiritual, I paid my tab and walked a probably straight line across the street to the Fly Shop. It certainly couldn't make anything worse- and in fact would remove me from the hipster brew dude dronefest.

I can't explain it, but once inside the shop I was drawn magnetically and mindlessly to the small Abel display holding said nippers. I stood and stared trying to focus my mind on the price and the colors, when an ambitious young sales floor fisher guy type ambled over and said "..pretty sweet nippers, huh?". I answered "pretty expensive nippers actually". And I continued to stare and he slunk away, but I could feel his uncertainty and what exactly to do with me. I'm pretty sure he detected my fish drought, but I knew he wouldn't dare ask. He didn't want anything to do with that kind of karma. After an indeterminate passing of time, my intense gaze and evaluation of the nippers was broken into again, this time by the owner of the shop who is a VERY fishy guy. He always exudes a trophy catch, his latest bravado being a peacock bass from a recent trip to Venezuela. For the love of pete, I just want to catch a 12' rainbow 5 miles from my house, and this guy has to toot the peacock bass from Venezuela in my face? Perfect. The droning hipster dude at the bar was maybe not so bad after all. And I was missing my IPA.

To cutt to the chase, he noticed my unwavering gaze on the nippers and without hardly a breath taken and the peacock bass picture barely swiped away from his iPhone screen display he snatched an olive colored pair of the Abel nippers and put them on the counter and said, I swear to you he said in an uncomfortably loud voice- "This is what you came to the shop for, and don't question the color. Those are your nippers and you came here for them. They have mojo and its the same color I use. Buy them now, it's our last one in that color..." and without another word he turned and walked away. The young ambitious clerk guy was watching all this and I could feel him listening 10 feet away, so I turned to look at him and his eyes were wide as if he'd seen an apparition. Without taking my eyes off him, I reached into my wallet and placed a wad of money on the counter, grabbed the olive nippers, and I walked out of the store. I never unwrapped the nippers, and for 3 days they sat in the glove box of my car. But I dared not return them.

On the 4th day, I went fishing. Fishing on a river I had not in the last 20 times out caught a fish. I strung the nippers on parachute cord around my neck so as not to lose them. After that encounter in the shop and the jedi mind control the nippers seemed to possess, no way was this spell breaking talisman going to drop irrecoverably to a watery end. I caught fish that day, not only "fish", but "big fish". The spell was broken, the drought was over, all was one again, and peace had been restored to my kingdom.

And so, the nippers have powers- magical powers. I think they might actually be a powerful trout magnet. Since that day the spell was broken I have fished like Lefty Kreh and Flip Pallot rolled into one. I have caught more fish in fewer days than is humanly possible. Now, I want to disclose that I don't know if all these nippers have the power. Or is it only the olive colored ones, or only this one I have, or only ones that Mr. Mojo from the fly shop feels a vibe on. I can't really say. What I can say is they work for me, and the IPA humencyclopedia hipster dude at the pub is SO much more tolerable at the end of the day when I've been onto fish. As for the fly shop, I'm not sure what happened to that pupstart wide eyed sales guy. I've never seen him again and the peacock bass mojo man claims he was working alone that day. I dunno, but I still have the nippers and I wear 'em around my neck on gold parachute cord every time I fish. It's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

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